Who Gives A Fuck? Vol 1. Tuesday, April 19th 2011

Ever hear someone talking about something that they are very passionate about while you’re sitting at lunch on a nice sunny day, the birds are chirping, everything is great except for this asshole screaming into a phone or yammering at the jackass that is dumb enough to sit there and listen to that garbage. Have you ever wanted to just turn around in your seat,tap them on the shoulder and discreetly and politely whisper to them (as not to embarrass them or draw attention) ever so slightly and with the most comforting tone just ask.. “Who Gives A Fuck?” Well, good people, we’re here to do exactly that in this series of ongoing articles, and the absolution of absurdity deconstructed. Find out more after the jump, but ask yourself .. do you really want to jump? After all Who Gives a F*&k…..

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There are some people in entertainment that truly embody the useless, crazy, often times completely misguided idea of what “entertainment” truly is and has been notable for in the past. These people are the kind of people that I can’t help but like and also dislike becasue they are so terrible at what they do that they have actually become great at what they do, simply due to the fact that they are now experts at being terrible at something. One thing I’ve noticed is that Hollywood likes to represent the crazy geniuses as simply ..crazy. Meanwhile, they tout the idiots as demi-gods and smarty pants, as they rake in the millions on the misguided masses standing in line for their ticket to some new cannon fodder firing line in the front row wearing their free t-shirt which exclaims “Im with Stupid”. Back in Gotham City, the higher ups in the corporate office scream down to the marketing teams to push this slop onto your plate.

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Recently, I was told by a friend that actually reads books, that he embarked on a mission to understand the true meaning of what an “expert” is, and he informed me that for one to be an expert the person has to have 1000 hours or more working or studying directly in that field of knowledge. I realize, this has negated my previous statements, with regards to being ‘bad at being good’ but as my Dad would say, “Hell, Idontcare.”

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In the last few paragraphs we’ve touched on a few things .. what it takes to be good enough to be an expert and how to be an expert at being bad. In the future we will provide our much loved viewers and readership with tips on the best and worst ways to accomplish both. Im almost positive that there will be lots of references to the most popular assholes in the world. They seem to be popping up like gophers in that stupid game they have at the carnival where-in you attempt to smash the heads of said gopher with a very large cumbersome mallot attached to a chain or string of sorts in an effort to keep you from fleeing the scene with the large and cumbersome mallot. If you smash the electronic gophers head, you win the likeness of an animal stuffed with cotton, to this we say with pride.. Who Gives A fuck.. I was just trying to get laid by giving my date the stuffed animal.

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Top 10 Who Gives A F*&k !? April 2011

#10. Headline: Kacy Jordan Leaves Porn For Radio – So, does this mean we’re only going to be able to listen to her getting fucked now? wtf.

#09. Sasha Gray Leaves Porn For Books - NewsFlash: There’s enough Sasha Gray porn on the internet to corrupt 10000 leagues of men. Maybe we’ll be sad bored mad something about this in 20 years when we’ve finished watching it all.

#08. Bree Olson Leaves Porn For ….

#07. Charlie Sheen

#06. Hollywood Pornographers create another porn parody.

#05. Hollywood Producers create another classic film remake. (refer to above)

With regards to #06 and #05 If ever there were a time that I wish a huge Acme Safe would just fall out of the sky and land on something, it would be this trend.

#04. Gay People Make Straight Porn

#03. Straight People Make Gay Porn

With regards to #04 and #03 please shut up about this it’s annoying and pointless, people are allowed to do what they want!

#02. Vivid Ent. CEO Steven Hirsch Offers Octo-Mom Any Amount Of Money To Make Porn.

Regardless of the outrageous price tags being press released and the faux-celebrity spin surrounding it,  everyone knows, that NOONE in their right mind wants to see that crazy lady get fucked in a film. You’d make more money collecting donations from people who would pay to NOT see her ever be cast in a porn film. Even she knows that noone really wants to see her get fucked we just want another reason to make fun of her, (like we always have).

#01. Who Gives A Fu*& is… (drumroll please)

You Used To Make Porn But You Had A Baby with Your Vagina and You’d Like To Present It To All Of Your Fans.

Seriously folks, this is senseless and gross… and I’m noticing it a lot. We also don’t give a shit about your cat.

Remember folks, every now and then it’s good to just take the time to sit back and reflect on your surroundings and be at one with the universe, and think to yourself… WHO GIVES A F*&K.

[This has been a Pubic Service Announcement From AltPorn Network]

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